Dec. 15th 2001
James

Good news now becomes bad news today. James has always had a way of defying the doctor's predictions, and this morning his kidney started producing again, which means an early end to his ordeal is no longer imminent. If this offered James any quality of life time we would be grateful, but just now he is beyond comfort. The pain is sort of under control, thanks to the high doses of Dilaudid, but the drug, or maybe the disease, leaves him twitching, jerking and thrashing, unable to find rest, and is clearly exhausting him. Any attempt to hold his hand, or stroke his head, or any physical contact is promptly rejected. By lunchtime today even the offer of reading a book to him is turned down. The most exotic Lego set would not be given a glance. The long expected double vision problem arrived today, so TV or a video is not an option. A challenge for the caregivers as we hover at his bedside feeling completely inadequate. The awful thought is that the next logical step will be that he won't even want us to sit quietly by his bedside. The fact that today is the Birrell Christmas, that family are shortly due to arrive, and that there are gifts waiting under the tree to be opened, is meaningless. But for the sake of the other children we move ahead with the special dinner and the opening of the presents.

And along those lines, after much thought, we went ahead with our plans to take Rebecca to the premiere of the Lord of the Rings movie in Toronto. Pam stayed with James, supported by a number friends, and off we went, through the blizzard, Rebecca and her friend Heather both dressed to the nines in their best party dresses. We were treated royally, met at the door and escorted to our reserved seats, and then afterwards we moved on to the Royal Ontario Museum for a very glitzy party. "Amazing, awesome , extraordinary, wonderful!" says Rebecca. The girls were thrilled, and so were Auntie Diana, and my friend John and I. We adults found an odd feeling lurking in our minds as we waited for the film to begin. It was hard to resist the urge to stand up and say to the expectant crowds "We've already seen it, it's a great film, this is the second time for us, we had a private screening for our James a week ago!" It was after 2.30 am when we finally arrived back home in Peterborough.

I will try to keep a daily update going for all of you who care some much, and who hold us in your prayers. Knowing that James has changed so many lives means a lot to us.
Syd